My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
