Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
