Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
