You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
