and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
