last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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