I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
