He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
