Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Are we in a gay sports bar?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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