i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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