I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
