oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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