I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
