We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize