I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
