Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
