I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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