wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
