Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
