Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
