I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my poor anus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
