So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
