So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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