Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
