Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
