There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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