you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
