I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
