Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
