I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
