i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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