Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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