If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
