I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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