Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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