So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
