Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
