sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
