what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
