my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
