i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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