Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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