Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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