we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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