I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
