I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
