I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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