I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
