i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
