Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
