I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
