his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Randomize
