Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
