dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
