I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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