Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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