he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
