exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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