i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
