anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
