the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
