I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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