Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
