i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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