the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Come on in and take your pants off
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