the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
