and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize