Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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