peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We need to rekindle our bromance
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
