What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
