did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
